curious to the max

i really don't understand him. what he wants??

sometimes i feel he knows me, he cares about me but he always silent. tell me the way to act... honestly i'm not experienced to face guy, i'm not expert for that, that's why i don't know how to act. i'm not kind of girl who aggressive to guy, all i've done is totally my maximal courage and now he had broken my courage. i just wanna know his feeling to me, are we have the same feeling?? if he doesn't like me, i won't hate him, at least i can stop thingking of him, that's all. but how can i know?? should i ask him?? oh my God, i think it's too extreme. sometimes this feeling is hurting me. i realize that if we love someone, we can't expect anything from them, because if we expect that, it's not love but investment. but i'm still normal human who want to know the feeling of people i admire, can i??

is he knows my blog?? has he reads it?? i don't know..  i remember, one day when i went to the church, he was there too. in the end, he was stands in outside. seems like he was waiting me to chat with me hehehe...(forgive me God, i'm too confident). at that moment i really want to greet n smile to him but suddenly his friend came and they were talk, how can i greet him? so i walked left him there without greet n smile because i didn't know how to act. after that he made statement, seems like for me. this is my reason why i acted like that.  hoping he understands.... i can only do this and wait, hoping He gives the way out for my job and him, make me relief, Jesus...